Calamity Jean

Well, I haven't posted for most of this week because I have been totally bum-fucked on the hours I've been working. Some cretin decided to change the shifts around and as a result I've been working like a Japanese prisoner-of-war.

However, because I was working, I did get to witness one of the funniest sights I have seen in ages last night:

I was just leaving one of my clients sites, and was turning onto one of the main thoroughfares in Northern Paris. I had to wait for a second to allow a Belgian (he had to be Belgian didn't he? You couldn't make this up) articulated lorry to go past, a sight that is altogether rare on that road - you don't get too many of them.

I was pondering this while driving behind him, and then realised - of course, you don't get too many artics here because OH MY GOD THAT BRIDGE IS TOO LOW!!

So there I am, swerving and flashing my lights and beeping my horn trying to make this dozy git aware of the impending doom but he was having none of it. Just when I decided to just relax and enjoy the show, I realised that I was in immediate danger of being vehicle no.1 in the mother of all traffic jams. As a result I immediately broke about 12 traffic laws to swerve my (smaller) lorry to go past him. Whilst I was doing so, I was shouting and frantically pointing above his lorry hoping he would get the idea. No such luck. He was no doubt thinking "those crazy English, always talking about the weather".

Once safely past I slowed down in the tunnel, wound my window down to receive the full aural experience, and waited.......

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. First there was a scraping noise. Then his lorry shuddered a little. Then an almighty BANG! and the wonderful sight of plastic, metal and bits of lorry flying everywhere. Then, finally, he stopped (probably less out of choice than of physics).

I thought I was going to crap I was laughing so much. Once I had calmed down I got out of my lorry to see if I could help, but it was obvious that he was going to be there a while. However, he looked so much like a 70's porn star that I had to hang around for a bit on the off-chance that a couple of buxom blondes would arrive and seductively ask if we "needed help to free our lorry". Unfortunately that didn't transpire, but rest assured this made my evening a much happier one and there were smiles every time I thought about it.