I work with morons (Episode II - Attack of the Drones)

So another week has passed of working too hard and having no time at all to post. At least I'm still going, unlike most people.

This also brings us to the latest episode of 'I work with morons', and one that is truly dear to my heart - Billy Bullshit.

Billy won't shut up. I mean he really, really won't shut up. He just goes on and on and on about either nothing in particular, or maybe the latest in a long line of totally bullshit stories he has just made up. Nobody is quite sure why he lies so much - maybe it's a desperate attempt to be loved, maybe he just can't help himself or maybe sometimes he actually believes what he's said; but the certain truth is that most people in the company just want to disembowel him.

Let me provide you with a list of some of his bullshit stories that I can remember off the top of my head. Bear in mind that none of these are true and the large majority of them have been properly discounted:

• Having had wild monkey sex with the 18 year old shop assistant that works opposite my companies house in Paris within 10 minutes of meeting her. Disproved and subsequently denied
• Regularly going for beers with the local policeman in Paris, despite professing a hatred for the police. Disproved Also worth noting that for some reason the police feature very heavily in these stories.
• Getting stopped by a variety of authority figures on an almost daily basis in France, and every one of them speaking 'perfect English'. Status pending, but unlikely
• Knocking someones car door off with a lorry. Bonus bullshit point for fighting driver of other vehicle. Disproved
• Driving round Paris with a policeman who carried with him a box of rotten eggs that he threw at 'rotten drivers' Status pending, but unlikely due to translation of 'rotten'
• Breaking nose of Customs officer who asked to look in the back of his truck. Status pending but unlikely as not in prison
• Being strip searched and anally probed by another Customs officer. Status pending - too disgusting to investigate
• Naming a list of people who had complained to management about me for telling them what to do at work. Disproved
• Telling a driver that another member of staff carries round a piece of pipe ready to hit him when he's not looking Disproved
  
• Finding a driver who had left the company stealing his teabags from the Paris house and then chasing him down the road with a chair leg. Too ridiculous to investigate

Now these are just a small selection, but you can get a bit of an idea. He also was blessed with absolutely no sense of direction, and happily drives round in enormous circles to make linear deliveries and then a) refusing to take advice on how to do it properly b) complain about how long it takes.

Rib Shack verdict: Moron