Fish are shit.

See that? That's how strongly I feel on this subject - none of your obscure, slightly offbeat headlines for this post. It does exactly what is says on the tin. Fish. Are. Shit.

Millions of years of evolution on this planet has passed, and these horrible slimy little bastards have still not figured out that the way forward is to have legs and mobile phones. Oh no, they're still swimming around in salt water, breathing water and eating the regurgitations of other fish.

They are also stupendously ugly, take a look at this scaly pin-up:



He's a beauty isn't he? Funny though, I suppose there are a couple of comparisons that can be made with land based mammals:



OK so Hawking is clever, but he can't walk of use a phone either. He's also pretentious (born in Kent, speaks with an American accent). But I'm getting off the subject.

Most of these things live in the dark, which is a pretty good idea I suppose - if I looked like that I wouldn't want too many lights around.

Worse is the fact that people eat them as well. I realise this proves our superiority in the food chain, but they don't even taste very nice. How good would you taste after years in the sea eh?

"Finding Nemo" attempted to delve into the mysterious world of the fish, and all it did was once again prove how rubbish they are. Here is a little list of things that fish, after turning up on the earth well before humans, have still not managed to master:

1. Driving. Not very clever, takes ages from A to B
2. Computers. Too much water make Nemo go fizzle, no?
3. Shoelaces. Hah! Bet you wish you had opposable thumbs now eh?


There are many others, far to numerous to list, but this at least, is fish-food for thought.