Bastards.

I mean it. Total Bastards.

I'm never going to get those three hours of my life back, no matter how hard I try.

I have just built a three drawer chest of drawers, a huge double wardrobe with lights and crap that appears to have been selected purely on the basis of weight; and what happens? The final piece happened, that's what.

The hanging rail has two screws - two screws that are obviously far too big for their holes, even to the naked eye. As a result, what should have been my lap of honour turned into a blinding rage of epic proportions.

Just after I had calmed down and was throwing away all the empty boxes, guess what I came across? That's right, an un-empty box full to the gills of the upstairs TV unit that I had forgotten about. I knocked that one out in record time with no injuries surprisingly, and I am now relaxing with a beer. But don't get me wrong, Ikea just made the List.

I'll give you an update tomorrow on what happened last weekend in the UK, but trust me, it was fantastic. I haven't drunk so much since I was last out with Phut