Guess where I've been?

Ikea. That's where.

Most of you will now calculate that whilst this is only the first time we have been there this year, it is the thirty-second in the previous calendar year. A lot, by anyones standards.

However, that wasn't that bad. It was when we got home that it went wrong.

We bought a sofa, you see. Whilst we spent (some) time this morning measuring the dimensions of the available sofa-space, we neglected to measure one very important part. The doorframe.

Firstly, we brought the sofa into the downstairs foyer and left it there. Then, we proceeded to dismantle the old one (it was a metal sofa-bed combination so at least it was easy to get down the stairs). Once we took this down we spent about 4 hours getting it upstairs.

Then came the hard part.

We got the damn thing halfway through the door before it became truly and irrevocably wedged. If anyone has ever read Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency they will know what I mean.

So know we are both standing in the flat looking at this stuck sofa, and I'm starting to get a little bit tetchy.

"I told you it wouldn't fit through the door" say I.

"Don't start that" replies my beloved.

"If you'd have pushed it when I said push it, this would never have happened" I reply, in a moment of bravado.

"Every time, and I mean every time we buy furniture, you start shouting" says she.

"Because I've been dragged to Ikea on a Sunday again you mean?"

"Right. Fine. I'm going for a walk. Maybe you'll be happier when I get back"

Whilst she retrieves her coat in a frenzy of over-exaggerated movements, I stand and quietly look forward to the point where she storms out the flat.

She storms. Or at least, begins to storm. And then looks at the sofa stuck in the doorway impeding her exit. I start to laugh, forcing her to storm over to the lounge and heavily sit down in front of the TV. Unfortunately, however, there is no sofa there any more to sit down on.

I would love for this story to get better, but it doesn't. We eventually moved the sofa and got it in place, and happily made friends again over some champagne. Here is a picture of the finished article:



This made me think of a website I used to visit, and while I am pretty sure you will have visited this yourselves, please take the time out to have a look at Things my girlfriend and I have argued about. It makes you think. And laugh.

**UPDATE** My porn name is Big Al Rod. I like the "big".