New punctuation

After trawling the Internet for a while, I found a proposal to add a new piece of punctuation to the English language.

It is using the tilde (thats ~ thing) and it is to be used to denote sarcasm.  It will be called the "sarcastrophe"

For instance - I love that Britney Spears, she's really talented~

Interesting idea? I think so.  But then I'm easily pleased.

BPWD no.2

Yesss, thats right.  It's my turn to follow on from Phuts drunken ravings and make make my own half-pissed (make that fully) post about the last week or so.

Oringinal title was "Margaritas and Sexy Stews".  This has changed. 

We're going to have a couple of sort of disjointed sentences here , so try and bear with me - you may enjoy the ride.  But it will probably make you feel sick.

First off, what a fan-fucking-tastic holiday. I mean really, it rocked lots.  Me and Phut (I think thats Phut and I) had a load of fun and drank some bars dry of Jaegermeister (sp?) as well as a few other things.  We also played baseball, wandered the beach, drank some things and ate ribs and steak and cheesesteaks and wings.  By the way Phut that buffalo sauce you recommended rules, especially when it spills on your clothes in your baggage.

Sooooo, tonight we have had a US night in commmemmommorration of my visit by eating wings with buffalo sauce, chicken with Jack Daniels sauce and tequila with margarita sauce.  Fantastic. It was only marred by me forgetting to close the mixer (not for the first time) when making the margaritas so my floor smells of tequila now (also not for the first time). I blame it on the jolly bartender at my local bar who got me hammered before I'd even got the shopping home.

Did I mention that the stewardess on the plane was great? Well she was - she plied me with drink for the whole flight but unfortunately even though she had a short skirt there was no handjob in the toilet for Ribby.  Guess that's why First Class is better than Business.

I had lots of problems on the drive to DC, but you don't care about that, I got home after all.

Where do I start?

Couple of weeks worth of posting to catch up on, so I think I'll be covering this in two parts.

First was the initial of my 2 holidays (some people get all the luck eh?).

Emilie and I went to a place called Futuroscope in Western France in the Loire Valley.  It's a bit like Epcot Centre but not crap.

Shitloads of IMAX cinemas, simulators and 3D stuff.  Really cool, coupled with the big finale at the end of each night with loads of explosions and flames and fireworks and shit which ruled.

Also we spent a night in a town called Tours, which was very nice - typical provincial France and it gave me the much needed opportunity to get hammered.  We came back on last Tuesday and then had some guests for dinner on the 14th (Bastille Day) which once again involved loads of beer and fireworks.

All in all it set me up nicely for an early get-go to go to Phuts in the US.  I felt shit the next morning but luckily got a good seat on the plane - but this is the subject for the next post, provisionally titled "Margaritas and sexy stews"

The wanderer returns.....

.....but he's jet-lagged.

And disturbingly sober considering the antics of the last few days.

I'm going to bed now but will update you on the last week or two later today.

It's time for change

Well this is my last post for a bit, as I am off on holiday for two weeks.

First stop is Tours and Poitiers in Western France then I am off to see Phut in New Jersey for a couple of weeks.

Thanks for the "where I've been" link Phut, you can see the results below. Actually click below cos the size of the file screwed up the page format.

Obviously you can see that I have never had a great deal of interest in visiting the flat farming countryside.

States I have visited

Beaucoup de chance (deuxième part)

Alors, parce-que je suis sur un clavier Français, j'ecris en Francais ce soir.

J'ai tout la chance dans le monde, mais nous connaisons ca. Ce soir quand j'ai roulé à travaille, j'ai arreté par mes amis Les Gendarmes.

J'ai passé un camion sur la file gauche et j'ai arreté immediament pour ca. Malheuereusement, le flic as demandé mon disque, quand il a vu j'ai plus de vitesse aussi. Resultat: un penaltie de €112.

Le seul bon part c'etait quand j'appelé mon chef et le flic as dit "Qu'est-ce que il as dit?" J'etait très heureux quand j'ai dit " LES PUTAINS"

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For those that can't be ringed to try the translation is here:

So, because I am on a French keyboard this evening, I will write in French.

I have all the luck in the world, we all know that. This evening as I was driving to work I was stopped by my friends, the Gendarmes.

I passed a lorry in the left lane and was stopped immediately. Unfortunately the rozzer also asked for my tacho, which showed that by doing that I had also broken the speed limit. Total result: €112 fine.

The only good bit was when I had to phone my boss to tell him. The copper asked "What did he say?" It gave me great happiness to reply "The wankers"

American man becomes first to grasp sarcasm

BUMFUCK, ND (AP) - Jay Fullmer, 38, became the first American to get to grips with the concept of sarcasm yesterday.

"It was weird," Fullmer said, "I was in London and, like, talking to this guy and it was raining and shit and he said, like, great weather, or something like that."

Said Fullmer: "And I thought - wait a minute, it's like, no way is it great weather."

Fullmer soon realised that the other man's 'mistake' was deliberate.

"This guy was pretty cool about it," Fullmer said.

Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3, plans to use sarcasm himself in future.

"I'm like saying it all the time." he said. "Weekend last I was like grilling steaks and I like burned them to shit and I said 'great weather'."

Saddam shame.

Well it's not actually, I just thought it was a vaguely amusing pun.

However, it is nowhere near as funny as the headline on Fark which was "Good news: Saddam could face the death penalty. Bad news: David Beckham will probably take it" which had me spitting drink on my desk.

So there you have it. Saddam is finally being brought to trial for making generations of Iraqis look like him. However, the scene in the courtroom sounds quite reminiscent of the trial of Slobodan Milosevic - haranguing the judge, answering his own questions and generally being a bit of a pain in the arse. It also reminds me of South Park:


"Rel-aaaaaax guuuyyy!"

I do hope they can televise the trial a la OJ Simpson, but this is a little unlikely.

We all know what will happen - this guy will never get the death penalty - he'll get shitloads of years in prison and some terrorists will pinch of couple of aircraft and shit to release him. Should make good TV.

In other news, Greece have unbelievably made it through to the finals of Euro 2004 after beating the Czech Republic like a ginger-haired step child.