Another wedding

Here we go again.

I'm off to England for the weekend again for yet another wedding. Ho-hum, at least I can get drunk.

See you next week.

Rock n Roller coaster.

So another weekend has finished and the return to work is imminent.

What did I do this weekend? I hear you scream to the rafters. Well, we had some friends come down from Brittany, so we took them to Parc Asterix, a theme park based on the little Gaul - bit like Disneyland, but smaller, cheaper and with much better rides and stuff.

It started badly. The first ride we went on was the "Grand Splatch", a nice little boat journey with a few dips and drops and water jets. Last time we went it was a cool first ride, a couple of splashes of water but nothing major. This, of course, was where the Ribby luck held out. Every single person on the boat got a little bit of water on them, except for the person sitting at the back left corner of the boat. You can probably guess who that was. Yep, thats right, we rounded a corner and the most enormous freak wave you have ever seen swamped my corner of the boat leaving everyone else untouched. I, however, was soaked. I mean really soaked - I've had baths that I've been drier in.

Later on I was seen as something of a local hero when I stopped a particularly ugly woman trying to escape from the Ghost Train.

Afterward, we went on the "Tonnerre de Zeus", a big-ass wooden roller coaster. It was great - shit scary big big drops and even one that dropped about 50metres and then continued underground, which had me soiling myself. The main problem with wooden roller coasters is that simple fact. They're wooden. The finish to the ride is a crunching stop, which causes the entire structure to move a few inches then come back. Disaster in the making I fear - and although it didn't fall over, or explode or anything I think there is a good chance it will. Peruse my artists impresion of how this would look:

BEFORE:


AFTER:


Scary thoughts eh?

Also another incredibly funny thing - I saw a young French disabled man driving round in an electric wheelchair comme Stephen Hawking and he was wearing a "Rage Against The Machine" T-shirt. I'm not sure if he saw the double meaning in that, but it had me pissing myself for some minutes.

It's a b.......

Or, more importantly, it isn't.

In a splendid display of spackiness, An inbred Norfolkian spent a long time holding a rusty piece of some Citroen suspension whilst cacking his pants. He became convinced that he had dug up a World War II bomb and called the emergency services (who marvellously left him hanging there for 5 hours!).

Imagine his relief when he found out the truth. Personally if it had been me I would have been disappointed that a) it wasn't a bomb, b) therefore it wasn't going to blow up and spare me the humiliation from all my mates for the next god knows how many years.

Link is here: Citroen C4

I AM Jose Canseco

Just to keep Phut happy - on the off chance that he didn't watch the Braves v Phillies game - Jason Michaels has put himself firmly in the Canseco category with his inspired outfield work.

Retard

It's a simple catch, I've got it, I've got it, I've......OH FUCK!

Craig Is Gay.

An astonishing start to a Best Mans speech, quite simply left us all speechless. But I'll get to that.

A couple of weeks have passed since my last serious post, and what has happened in the meantime? Fuck all. Actually that's not quite true, I did go to the UK for whistlestop wedding, so that's just about the only thing I'm going to concentrate on today - let's just pretend than only a couple of days have passed.

Our friend Mr Grumpy was married on Saturday, and what a fantastic day it was. The weather was brilliant, lots of great people there, the bride looked wonderful and even Craig (Grump) managed to lose his black T-shirt for the day. All in all an interesting turn of events. The speeches were cool - Phut and I both got mentions for being the people who had travelled furthest to be there (although I think the US is a little further than France, so Phut wins that one).

The Best Mans speech, as Phut has mentioned, was memorable for a number of reasons, the most notable two being that the groom was lambasted as "gay" and the mother of the bride called the groom "fat". Two words you love to hear in wedding speeches. Phut also did a celebrity spot as a wedding ventriloquist:


"Gottle of Geer"

We had a horrible journey back - more down to the fact that I didn't want to leave the pub and drive all the way to France. I did, and it sucked - I finally finished work at 3.30am, 12 hours after I left my beer.

Next time I'm going to fly.

Insert Joke Here

Weekly World News

The above article is no doubt a load of old bollocks, but is a perferct example of creative writing.

The funniest thing I have read all week.