You want it all, but you can't have it

Continuing along with Phuts theme of using song lyrics in post titles, you can see that this post will be an "Epic" one. Partly because I haven't really posted much recently, and partly because there's a few things I want to talk about. Make sure you read all the post because you may see something interesting. More importantly however, if I'm going to spend all this time writing it, you lot can damn well sit and enjoy it.

So where to start? I was in Brittany this weekend for a family wedding. I briefly mentioned this a little while ago, as to what it would be like, and I admit I really wasn't prepared for it. In short, it was excellent. In long, well let me explain.

Everyone knows that the French enjoy a drink and a party a lot more that they enjoy working. Weddings are certainly no exception to this rule. After all, what really happens at an English wedding? We all turn up to the church (on time preferably), sit our way through some hymns and stuff and then head on over to the reception. In that sense, they don't really differ too much. First they go to the Town Hall where the official civil ceremony is held, and then over to church for the rest of the formalities. This is made slightly more interesting by dint of the fact it's all in a different language.

The reception is where things change. In the UK it's a naff meal normally, with some speeches and then everyone gets drunk and goes home at midnight. No dancing. Strictly taboo in the UK except for the young children and drunken elders.

We started the reception at about 5.00 with loads of champage and finger nibbles until about 7.30, by which time people aren't really feeling any pain. Then the meal starts, which consists of craploads of courses (unfortunately some of them fish) which goes on until around 10pm. It takes so long because it is constantly interrupted by people coming and going performing little comedy sketches taking the piss out of the bride and groom and various other themes. One that particularly made me laugh was the mock demonstration/strike that 30 people invaded the hall with.

After the meal was when the games began. Imagine all the crappy little games you used to play on cub camp, then add alcohol. It's a brilliant idea, everyone running everywhere having fun and falling over each other - endless fun. This is something that is a hell of an addition to a wedding.

Oh, don't worry about there being a lack of drink. There's not.

The disco started proper around midnight. Nothing but cheesy 60's 70's and 80's music, and everyone was dancing. I mean everyone. We ended up leaving at 5am, only because there was 6 people no longer dancing (out of about 150) so it was obvious that the party was winding down.

I recommend this type of wedding. It's just.....well, fun. The bad part was that the 'wedding breakfast' ie the meal for close friends, was held at 1pm the next day, as is normal, but trust me, I felt like shit by then.

The next thing to discuss is the European Consitution. There was a referendum held in France on Sunday for this, and of course being as the fact that France is one of the most vocal members of the EU, the resulted vote of 'Non' came as something of a surprise.

Every person I spoke to was going to vote no yesterday, for a variety of reasons. The main reasons were jobs going to underpaid underqualified Eastern Europeans, and too much control over public policy from Brussels. Now I thought these were the main reasons that the UK didn't want Europe. Strange to see that we can agree on some things eh?

Really though, the thing that impressed me was voter turnout. The vote was held on a Sunday, the getting-pissed-and-falling-asleep-day, and there was still a national voter turnout of over 70%. That's just incredible - some other so called 'democratic' nations should really take a note of this - voter apathy is not something that has taken hold here.

Now the final part of the post, and, quite obviously, the one that is most important to me. I'm only writing it at the bottom so that you lot actually read the rest first.

I have now done the honourable thing (or stupid, some might say) of asking Emilie to marry me. She's obviously in the throes of some deep seated insanity, because she said yes. Needless to say I am extremely happy about this, and we have set a tentative date of the 12th July 2008. I'm sure I don't need to say after the first part of my post that the wedding will be held in France.

That is all, please feel free to be bitter and cynical in the Comments section.

UFB

I never thought I'd hear myself say these words, but I think I'm going to have to go on a diet.

Living in France has increased the availability of fine food, and more often than not this is fine food that involves fat of some sort. As a result I have become a little bit podgy. Of course Mrs Ribby keeps pointing this out to me, but I tend to laugh it off.

It was only a few moments ago that I realised quite the level it had got to. We are going to a wedding this weekend and it was suggested to me that I make sure my suit still fitted. This, of course, was a comment that I took great offence at - having only recently bought the suit. Nevertheless I gave it a quick whirl a short while ago, and lo and behold, the bastard thing only just fits. I can get away with it, I think, but steps need to be taken. Maybe a little late to be starting today as I have already eated a plate of chili and a dozen paprika chicken wings this afternoon as my 'in between lunch and dinner snack', but I promise tomorrow will be different.*

_{* maybe}

14 days later (or thereabouts)

It's been a long time since I posted, and you know why? Because bugger all has happened.

I've been sitting around watching DVD's, surfing the web and getting drunk and absolutely nothing of any interest at all has happened to me. Some of you may argue that this is quite the norm for my life, but I assure you sometimes things happen.

In fact, I'm only really posting this so that people know I haven't fallen down the stairs and got stuck or anything. I'm in the UK next week so maybe I'll get lucky and see a bank robbery or something.

Operation Heist

The Germans call it "Geburtsrecht". In English, we call it a birthright.

Football was invented in England, and therefore, by extension, the World Cup should belong to us. Unfortunately this is not the case, we've only won it the once. It is true that with the quality of the players the England team have at the moment, then next years World Cup finals in Germany are perhaps the best chance we have to win the trophy for the second time.

However, there is always the fact that no matter how good our team seems to be, we always manage to fall at the last hurdle.

Taking these facts into account, Operation Heist was born. England will have the World Cup next year. One way or another. If for some unexplicable reason we don't manage to win it, then we intend to borrow it. Not steal it, for this would imply that we wouldn't give it back, and that might not be legal. Just borrow it for the purposes of taking some photos on top of our TVs and then the ceremonial handing back of the trophy. Of course this handover would take place between ourselves and the editor of the Sun newspaper, ensuring that the members of Ribbys Eleven would never have to buy a drink in an English pub again.

It's all good and well having these grandiose plans, but we've never stolen anything in our lives. It's a well known fact that high level car thieves had to start at the bottom as in any other career. They don't just go out and steal a Ferrari, they take some Fiestas and Astras and the like and slowly work their way up.

Therefore, we need some practice. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do, stealing a major sporting trophy, but with some persistence and ingenuity, you can achieve anything. As Yoda once said, "Do or do not, there is no try"

So please feast your eyes below at step one of the Ribbys Elevens Operation Heist. Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to our Astra if you will. The renowned Heineken European Rugby Challenge Cup.